We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
