HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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