you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
