She announced her abortion via fbk
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
don't judge my taste in strippers
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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