that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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