I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
