Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
