sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Drake has all the answers
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize