Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize