Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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