im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize