Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
