this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize