he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
