Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
