I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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