So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
