when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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