I'm gonna have a badass scar
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize