i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
