we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
sarcasm needs its own font
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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