So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
