His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
