I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
