Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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