Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
