it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
