Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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