Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
