I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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