I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
