i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
P.S. I can't hear my feet
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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