This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
