Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
