Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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