We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
