I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
