I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
