Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
