chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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