just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
