Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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