There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
