That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
