i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
