4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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