I skipped work to stalk him.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
