you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My apartment stinks of burning failure
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
