I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
