actually, I'm a sock model
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
