just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
