Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
