This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
