she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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