he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
