Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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