this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
