We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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