She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
