I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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