I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
