Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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