I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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