im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
