Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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