By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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