I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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