Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
