Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
