He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
