The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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