i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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