You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
